Emily Meyers turns Perceived Failure into Success

To Incoming Honors Students:

Have you ever received a grade on a test that wasn’t what you expected? Have you ever had your hopes crushed when you didn’t get the leadership position? Have you ever been placed on the JV team instead of the Varsity team? For many of us, this has happened as we traveled through High School. And we consider these to be “failures.” But what constitutes a failure? According to the Oxford English Dictionary it is the “lack of success.” But what is success? Is success the opposite of failure or can something be both? I want to begin answering these questions by telling you a story. This story began in my senior year of high school and has followed me to college. This story impacted everything that I have done. It is one that has changed the entire course of my life. Just as I am sure some of you have had a failure that has done the same for you.

All through high school, I thought I was going to become a Neonatologist—a NICU doctor. I took as many science and math classes that I could. I had many semesters where I opted to not take a study hall and instead filled it with some type of STEM class. Not only this, but I was also a member of the Math and Science Club and I volunteered within my local hospital. I wanted to make sure that I was as prepared as I could be for the Pre-Med track.

Everyone knew that I was going to become a doctor and save lives. Anytime I talked with any of my classmates, relatives, and neighbors the conversation was focused on my college plans to get into Medical School. Becoming a doctor was what was expected of me. I could feel the support coming from everyone. They all wanted me to become a great doctor. They were proud of my decision.

I went on many college visits, looking for the school that gave me the best opportunity to get into Med school. I missed school and my parents took off from work to go along with me. I was determined to make sure I made the best decision. I was only looking at schools that were ranked nationally for their Pre-Med tracks. I took the ACT five times to make sure that I could get the highest possible score to be placed on the “fast-track to medical school” programs. I talked with two different doctors about what I should do for my undergraduate degree. I was “following all the rules.” That was until October until my senior year of high school.

It was a Friday. Something had been off all day, but I wasn’t sure what it could have been. It felt like leaving the house and forgetting to turn off the curling iron or forgetting to do a chore that mom said to do before leaving for school. I went through the first part of my day just going through the motions, trying to figure out what I was “forgetting.” It wasn’t until I was sitting in my Spanish class. We had been discussing corrida de toros or the Running of the Bulls. Senora was telling us different stories about the event. I was enraptured. As I was sitting there, imagining being in Spain, pieces of my life began to fit together. I loved my Spanish class. I love the language and culture. I dreaded going to math class. Don’t even mention chemistry. And these thoughts led to a heart-stopping realization. I didn’t want to become a doctor anymore. I wanted to be a Spanish teacher. I wanted to experience this event and many others that are a part of the Hispanic culture. This thought hit me hard. It felt as though I was ran over by a MAC truck. And in the wake of the MAC truck there were tears. Lots of tears. So many tears that I could barely breathe. I went, sobbing, to my Spanish teacher to tell her what I had just realized. She was so happy for me, but I was not. I was devastated. The rest of the day, all I could think about was “what would mom and dad say?” I was nervous. I’m not following the plan. I kept thinking to myself that mom and dad will be so disappointed. I’m letting them down. I was supposed to go do amazing things as a doctor. But now, I don’t want to become a doctor but a Spanish teacher. I am such a failure.

I am sure many of you have had that exact same thought. “I am such a failure.” However, because of my experience, I believe whatever made you think that, isn’t a failure, but a success. I believe when you think something maybe a failure, it often is a success. My experience has been one of the best successful failures ever. This change in major allowed me to come to BGSU to study within a college known for its teacher preparation program. It is here that I have had some of the best experiences of my life. I have been able to take trips to different cities and see unique things, like the World’s Largest Christmas Store. I found a place where I belong. It is here that I know that I can go to any one of my friends for issues that I may have. Or even my advisors and Honors College Faculty. Even though my parents lost many days of pay and I had to make up what felt like weeks work of studies, this change of heart has been one of my most memorable unsuccessful successes.

But what made that experience and perhaps your experience a success and not a failure? Well for one, these so-called failures are successes because these are moments of self-truth. Being truthful. It was in October of my senior year that I came to a large self-truth. I realized that I never truly liked math and science but was taking all those classes and pursuing a Pre-Med degree because it was expected of someone within the top rankings of the class. Everyone always thinks that the high testing students should become amazing engineers, dentists, lawyers, or in my case, doctors. Once I dropped the preconceived expectations that other people had for me, I learned more about myself. I learned that I am a social person who loves to talk. I am someone who enjoys languages—not so much science. I’m not a person who does not like to see others hurt. And with this, I began to think about what was drawing me towards World Language over Pre-Med. And that answer isn’t completely clear—even now. However, I do know that part of the answer is being truthful with myself and dropping the expectations of other people.

Furthermore, a mistake not only must be us showing ourselves honesty, but we also must be able to learn and grow from the failure for it to become a success. We learn more about ourselves and the world around us when we encounter different failures. As with my decision, I learned that even though plans are great to have, it is okay if they are broken. I realized that I have become a better person for understanding the idea that plans can be changed. And sometimes need to be changed. I never would have learned about the intense process that it takes to become a doctor. I also never would’ve embraced learning a new language as strongly as I have. When we fail, we then must take this new knowledge and apply it to other areas of our lives. However, it is okay to not have all the answers. Even after my life-altering failure, I can assure you that I still don’t know every reason as to why I thought I was going to become a doctor and why that is no longer suitable for me. I still don’t know every nook and cranny of my personality. However, as the number of times I fail increases, I learn more. I grow. This happens when we fail. We grow, and we change. We become the people who we are truly meant to be with each failure. And, this to me, makes a failure a true success.

Within my first semester here at college I have faced some failures, but ones that I can now look at as successes. When first moving here I was very excited to be in a new place and living with a newfound friend. After the first week, I began to get homesick—one of my worst fears. As a new college student, I thought that it would be seen as a failure to admit that I was homesick. I thought that being homesick showed that maybe college away from home isn’t meant for me. However, I learned that it is perfectly okay to be homesick. For me, being homesick allowed me to rely more on myself and grow closer to my new friends. This is a successful failure because if I didn’t feel homesick, I wouldn’t have learned that I can do many things on my own. Even though laundry is totally not fun, I can do it. Having a cold without mom reminding me of which medicine I should take when, is different. But I’m alive and I’m surviving. I’m becoming more and more independent. I may have felt like a failure, but I’m becoming a true adult, little by little. After the first few weeks, my studies began to pick up. I was unexpected of the amount of work that was thrust upon me. After a week of floundering around and feeling as though I was failing at my studies—receiving grades that weren’t what I truly wanted—I realized just how different college would be from high school. But from these failures, I learned that if I truly want something, whether it is a grade or to become an Honors Ambassador, I have to work hard and to never give up. Those lower grades are successful failures now. Even though it may sound cliché, it is true. Hard work and dedication are necessary. College has allowed me to have more failures and successes than ever before.

Failures can happen any day of our lives. For some of you, after the first month of college you may decide that you don’t like your original major. Or maybe you will change the organizations you may belong to. Maybe you and your roommate will not get along. Or you don’t get the grade you want in a course. Whenever you feel as though you have failed, you must look at them as an opportunity to grow and learn. These are opportunities of being truthful with ourselves. Failures are what makes each and everyone of us human. You must continue to understand this, in order to have success from your failures.

So, the next time you fail, because we all will, ask yourself “Am I being truthful with myself? Have I changed and grown?” And most importantly, “Have I learned anything?” If the honest answer to each of these questions is “yes,” then the failure is a success.

Be truthful. Grow. Change. Learn. And most importantly, don’t be afraid to make mistakes because those failures could be your most memorable successful failures.

Good Luck!                             

Emily Meyer                           
Class of 2022