By
Meagan Hayes
| It’s
always a challenge to find someone who you can truly connect
with and who will accept you for what you are. Wowever, what
do you do when the people around you don’t accept your
relationship? Take a look into the lives of three interracial
couples who are refusing to give into the intolerance of others,
and choosing to stay together. |
|
You’re
walking through campus holding your boyfriend or girlfriend’s
hand. A few people turn to watch you as they pass. They look down
at your clasped hands, glance up at your face, then up at your boyfriend
or girlfriend. What are they looking at? Probably nothing, but it
can be annoying.
Now
imagine yourself walking through campus again holding your boyfriend
or girlfriend’s hand. But this time, the few looks turn into
numerous stares. Why are more people taking notice of you? Perhaps
it’s because you’re part of an interracial couple.
It’s
just another day for some interracial couples, said Dr. David Weis,
a professor in the Human Development and Family Studies program.
Out of all interracial couples, the amount of attention they receive
depends on the environment of a particular campus, he said.
"People
wouldn’t blink an eye in Washington D.C.," said Weis,
who teaches a class about black families in America. "But in
a small town, this is still big stuff."
Weis
explained the amount of attention a black and white couple receives
also depends on how many black people populate that area. If few
blacks live in the area, then a black and white couple will receive
a lot of attention there.
Jessica*
and Tyler* are an interracial couple; they are both BGSU students—Jessica
is a junior and Tyler is a senior. Jessica is white and Tyler is
Puerto Rican. But they said they don’t experience much prejudice
against them when in public.
"It
probably helps that Tyler is so light-skinned," Jessica said.
"When I first met him, I didn’t even know he was Puerto
Rican."
Although
Jessica and Tyler don’t experience much discrimination in public,
things can still be tough when it comes to family.
"I
went home last year for Tyler’s grandmother’s birthday
party," Jessica said. "His family—all Puerto Rican—got
up to take a family picture and they were joking about how it was
obvious who all the girlfriends were because they were all the ‘little
white girls’ sitting at the tables."
Later
that evening, when Tyler had gone to talk to other family members,
Jessica was sitting with some of Tyler’s cousins. They remarked
that Jessica must have felt uncomfortable surrounded by Puerto Ricans.
"I
felt uncomfortable because I didn’t know anyone, not because
they were Puerto Rican," Jessica said.
Even
though families may joke Jessica and Tyler feel fortunate to have
parents who accept their boyfriends and girlfriends.
"My
family’s open to (interracial dating)," Jessica said.
"I don’t even look at Tyler as Puerto Rican."
But
even though her family is open to interracial dating, Jessica didn't
think some of her friends at home would be as approving of it.
"When
we first got together, I told my mom not to tell anyone that Tyler
was Puerto Rican because my friends don’t like Puerto Ricans,"
Jessica said. "My mom said I was rude because it shouldn’t
matter what color he is."
Tyler
said his parents also look past the issue of interracial dating.
But the issue is not new for Tyler because he has never dated a
Puerto Rican girl.
Jessica
and Tyler are also open to having children and getting married.
While they don’t know if they will stay together in the future,
neither said they would have a problem with it solely because of
race.
The
couples who most often experience gawking eyes and disapproving
looks are black and white couples rather than Hispanic and white
couples, Weis said.
"Whites
tend to regard Hispanics as more like whites than blacks,"
Weis said. "Whites don’t see Hispanics as much of a threat,
as they see blacks."
Tiffany*
and Austin* have been dating for a little more than a year. Tiffany
is a sophomore at BGSU while Austin is a senior. Tiffany’s
father doesn’t know she’s dating a black guy.
In
the beginning, Tiffany had told her parents that she was dating
Austin, but she never told them what race he was. Tiffany’s
roommate said she took down all the pictures of her and Austin when
her parents came to visit.
One
day, Tiffany’s parents came to visit her. When they left, Austin
came over. By chance, Tiffany’s father forgot something and
went back to her room to get it. When he walked in, Tiffany had
to introduce her father to Austin. Austin had no idea that Tiffany’s
father didn’t know he was black.
By
that time, Tiffany had told her mom that she was dating a black
person, but she had never told her father. She knew he would not
approve. And when her dad found out, he wouldn’t talk to her.
"He would say the bare minimum on the phone like, ‘Hi,
here’s your mother,’ and then he would hand over the phone,"
Tiffany said.
Later,
Tiffany told her parents that she and Austin had broken up. She
did, however, tell her mother they were really still dating.
"My
mom doesn’t care," Tiffany said. "She just wants
me to be happy. It’s just easier for everyone if my dad doesn’t
know."
Austin
doesn’t know that any of this is going on. Last year, he used
to ask to go home with Tiffany to her parent's house, but she would
always make up excuses as to why he couldn’t come.
"Because
of everything that’s gone on, I think Tyler has suspicions
that my dad might have a problem with him," Tiffany said.
While
on campus, Tiffany said she always notices stares from black girls.
"Austin
and I have been in the G.T. and black girls will look at us and
make comments," Tiffany said. "But I really haven’t
noticed any stares from other people. All of Austin’s friends
date white girls, so they don’t have a problem with (interracial
dating)."
Tiffany’s
friends are also accepting that she is dating a black person, although
comments are made in jest sometimes. "My friends joke around
that Austin and I sit around eating chitlins and my name should
be Shanainai," Tiffany said.
Even
though some people accept interracial couples, they might not think
it’s the best choice for a lifestyle.
"I
think my mom wishes that Austin was white just because of the problems
we may have in the future if we become more serious," Tiffany
said. "She knows that a lot of people are ignorant and don’t
accept interracial couples."
Because
of this, Tiffany said she has doubts about her and Austin staying
together in the future. "I’m not sure how I feel about
having a multicultural baby," she said. "There are a lot
of issues to deal with. Issues that would be forced upon the child
too."
Stacey*
and Tyrone* have been dating for about a year. She is a senior and
he graduated from BGSU last summer. Stacey is white and Tyrone is
black. Their case, however, is a little different than Tiffany and
Austin’s.
"I
tend to be more blind to things than Tyrone is," Stacey said.
"Tyrone says he's noticed black girls looking at us when we’re
dancing together at clubs, but I’ve never noticed. I think
it might be that I choose not to see it simply because I don’t
want to."
But
it’s not just looks from black girls. Tyrone said he's noticed
looks directed at him.
"Stacey’s
hometown is basically white," Tyrone said. "And one night,
we went to the movies in her town. I felt like every single person
in the parking lot was looking at us, and every single person in
the movie theater watched the two of us walk to our seats, but Stacey
didn’t notice a thing."
As
for their families, both were a little unsure at first how their
families would react.
"I was worried about how both of our parents would react, but
over time I learned that many people don’t have a problem with
[it]," Tyrone said. "Matter of fact, in this time and
age, if you can find someone who will be committed to a monogamous
relationship, they are worth holding on to."
Stacey
said she was never sure how to tell people about Tyrone. She would
say she had a boyfriend, but never said he was black.
And
besides, she never thought it was relevant to tell people about
it. She said she would never tell people if her boyfriend were white,
so it almost seemed silly to her to mention it.
They are open to the ideas of getting married and having children
together.
"A
mixed (black and white) child would be raised with both cultures
being learned," Tyrone said. "I don’t see anything
wrong with that."
As
awareness of different cultures increases so will awareness of interracial
couples, Weis said. Whites that see blacks, for example, as a lot
different than themselves are the ones that are strongly against
interracial dating, he said. As these whites learn more about black
people, they may become more accepting of interracial couples.
Dr.
John Warren, an interpersonal communications professor, researches
cultural studies. One of his areas of research has included white
privilege, or the benefits white people get because of the color
of their skin. An example of white privilege may include seeing
a large representation of people who are white in media outlets.
"It’s to not have to think about race and the impact of
racism on a daily basis," he said.
So
interracial dating may not accepted by some white because they aren’t
used to thinking about races other than their own regularly.
Based
on this, it’s possible that couples who are dating outside
of their race may encounter problems of being accepted. It’s
an issue in life where black and white does matter.
*Names
have been changed
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