Joke of the month
It has been some time since we have updated the Joke of the month page... People and chemicals grow old. Even in the freezer. Anyway, we feel that it is time to move on.
The humor lives on our webpage - and thrives!
Well, we have the labs - but some people don't (never ever).
Which brings us to the next one:
Does this one need any comments?
In science the recording the data is only the half of the work....
The newest discovery for the departmental seminar series 2008-2009: Coffee cup with a bottom compartment for cookies! This should make even the less entertaining lectures survivable....
In order to streamline our research work, we do substantial amount of work using computers.....
Of course, it is not surprising that some of our research efforts go to improving our instruments and tools, including the computers and software... This is a new key that has proved indispensable on our keyboards.
A robber pulls a knife on a stranger walking along the way, and says, “Your money or your life.”
The stranger says, “I'm a graduate student (postdoc, or university professor)!”
The robber asks, “What do you mean by that?”
The stranger says, “I have no money, or a life.”
Sometimes, the officials of all kinds engage in a official jargon.....you might have noticed. In such cases, it is important to have an interpreter so you don't get lost in the thickets of under- and over- statements, simplifications, etc.
Sadly the support from federal funding sources is not as high either (or as the principal investigators would wish...).
While the academic science suffers from constant under-funding, our colleagues in the industrial R&D positions have their own specific problems:
Our work focuses to a large extent on pattern recognition methods in high pixel density images. We use these mostly to analyze sensor arrays. Recently, we have applied similar methods to develop face recognition protocols for security applications. Interestingly, this approach may be used to recognize faces not only in directly recorded images (e.g. from security cameras), but also in reflections such as in mirrors, glass panes (e.g. car windows), on the water, etc. We have beta-tested these advanced algorithms to identify ARG group members from the reflections recorded from the surface of coffee. Interestingly, all the faces were recognized to look like this:
On a lighter note.... Nah, just kidding! There is no lighter note....
We strongly oppose this cheap advertisement move by Anheuser-Busch aimed at increasing sales of Budweiser to organic chemists:
In 1951, A.C. Gilbert introduced his U-238 Atomic Energy Lab, a radioactive learning set we can only assume was fun for the whole class or family. Gilbert, who was "often compared to Walt Disney for his creative genius," had a dream that nuclear power could capture the imaginations of kids everywhere. For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three "low-level" radioactive sources, a Geiger-Mueller radiation counter, a Wilson Cloud Chamber (to see paths of alpha particles), a Spinthariscope (to see "live" radioactive disintegration), four samples of Uranium-bearing ores, and an Electroscope to measure radioactivity. And what nuclear lab for kids would be complete without an Atomic Energy Manual and Learn How Dagwood Splits the Atom book? written with the help of General Leslie Groves, director of the Manhattan Project. Junior physicists had everything they needed, except a hazmat suit. Sadly, the toy was only sold for one year...
The time period most conducive for making fundamental decisions about where our research should be going in the future is the beginning of the new year. Our former colleague Dmitry sent us this photo of a rug we decided to install in each of our labs.....and, we are sharing it with you as we know that you are also embarking on the same road that leads to this fork.
The most important scientific discovery has been made. Congratulations to Dr. Bagshaw. Lets hope that we all will benefit from this discovery....
Some jokes don't need any description or introduction.....enjoy!
Fucitol. Although this sounds like what an undergraduate chemist might exclaim when too many things go wrong (i.e. quite often), it's actually an alcohol, 1-deoxy-D-galactitol. It gets its trivial name from the fact that it is derived from the sugar fucose, which comes from a seaweed found in the North Atlantic called Bladderwrack whose latin name is Fucus vesiculosis. It is not surprising at all, that big-pharma industry jumped on the production of fucitol in a pill form, which is expected to hit the market before the final exams.
It is a well known fact that graduate students, as soon as they save money for their first laptop stop working on their research projects, and use their time in the lab solely to browse Internet to find cheap deals for airfare home, fancy gizmos, cheaper cars from dealers further away, better cell-phone rates, etc. To preserve the research capacity of the graduate students, graduate advisors from all over the world pooled their wisdom and invented the following piece of hardware (the photo below shows the European version): We encourage the students to use this high-power internet plug-in for super-fast Internet experience.
Second, equally important gizmo developed to preserve the focus of research personnel is the following device: CAFUTER. The moment you come to lab and switch on your computer, sorry, cafuter, the data and the coffee start flowing! Enjoy: Cafuter for Windows XP, v.0.0.1. This device will never be available for MAC. The streamlined shape of thin MACs would not accommodate the necessary components of the Cafuter. Once again, PCs are better computers; Sadly, not because of the crashing Windows software, but because you can do whatever you want with them. Oh, and of course, because of the GLOCK!
The Glock joke:
Sadly, most of our writing does not require much inspiration like hard data in the form of preliminary results:
Sad, but true...
Even more sad....
It has been confirmed in our laboratory: THE HOT GLASSWARE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE COLD ONE! Ouuuch!
We are proud that our group is on the forefront of the sensor research. However, our sensors still do not reach the performance of this "optical biosensor". Hmm, thinking about it, it may become handy...
Detail view: 
As we noted before, not only trained professionals are practicing research. There are also a few amateurs who show deep commitment to the cause. Alas, without the proper equipment and safety precautions, such research may potentially harm the Principal Investigator. The following picture attests to this sad truth.
Caffeine is an important research ingredient. We are pleased to report that some of the companies finally realized that average faculty or graduate students cannot afford fine coffee such as "Starbugs" on their meager salaries, and started to provide caffeine in a more concentrated form while eliminating the inefficient water extraction process while waiting for the sales person to discuss their love life with their colleague, hassle with cups, etc. Enjoy!
The researcher's work does not end when he or she leaves the lab. In fact they go home and continue their work in their home offices, sometimes to the amazement and "negative" delight of their spouses....
This is is not directly related to chemistry or sciences. But, it is directly related to our lives as we live them (or better say, trying to live while others seem to interfere...).
Some time ago, we found that the fuming (concentrated) nitric acid can get through container caps designated for use with concentrated nitric acid (see below). That experiment sparked our interest in other "unsafe" chemicals of acidic nature. One of these is shown here. Enjoy!!!
Not only 'professional researches' are committed to practicing research. Everybody is, one way or another.
The life of any faculty member is not only teaching and research (yes, service too), but also a traveling salesman peddling his group's research achievements on various seminars and scientific meetings. When one gets back, a lot of work is waiting... Then this old button from early 80s starts to make a lot of sense:
Well, gone are the times when somebody said "a summer of ...." and we automatically expected he would say "summer of love". For anybody in the chemistry-faculty business the summer is always about writing grant applications. The next joke of the month offers a change of perspective view:
This one does not need (fancy) words....
As we all know, this winter is a tough one. Apparently, this is even more so in Russia from where the New York Times (1/22/2004) report:
Here are some interesting examples of how organic chemistry is omnipresent in our lives. Here are several compounds every chemist needs to know:
Megaphone
Despite having a ridiculous name, the molecule is quite ordinary. It gets its
name from being both a constituent of Aniba Megaphylla roots and a ketone. [S.M.
Kupchan et al, J. Org. Chem., 1987, 43, 586]
Moronic Acid
This is a triterpenoid organic acid that is found in Pistacia resin, and is
therefore of interest to people studying archaeological relics, shipwrecks and
the contents of ancient Egyptian jars. But why it's called moronic acid is still
unknown... Derivatives of this are called moronates, as in 'which moron-ate the
contents of this jar?' One thing is for sure: you don't want to have too much of
this compound in your diet!!!
[P.L. Majumdar et al, J. Org. Chem. 1979, 44, 2811]
Some time ago, we have taken the liberty to slightly change the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon by Bill Watterson (Watterson, W.: The Calvin and Hobbes 10th Aniversary Book, Andrews & McMeel, Kansas City, 1995) to drive the point home. We are sure that it will be funny for you too - you can just replace the word "grant" with "paper" or anything and it can be about you...
Some time ago, we have prepared fuming nitric acid by distillation of concentrated nitric acid with sulfuric acid (for details see Vogel's Textbook of Practical Organic Chemistry, 5the Ed., Longman Scientific & Technical/Wiley & Sons, New York, 1989). The colorless fuming nitric acid (d>1.5) was stored in the original bottle. We thought that this bottle/cap would be nitric acid-resistant. The nitric acid thought otherwise. Guess who was right....
