Evening of the Eight of Oct. [1862]
Dear Ira (for you are still dear to me and always will be!) It is with feelings far from pleasant that I attempt to address this silent messenger to you. Your letter of the 30th of Sept. was received this evening. I was surprised - Yes sorry to learn that you have received no letters from me!
I can't imagine why you do not get my letters. I have been faithfull in writing to you! I just came home from McComb this evening. I put another letter in the office to day for you.
Last Saturday father gave all a letter to Patterson to take to you but I do not know whether he has gone yet or not. You say that the reason why I don't write may be because I have no paper! Now Ira you know just as well as I do all about that! Oh Ira, you don't think, you can't think that the reason you do not get letters from me is because I don't write them. Do you think I have forgotten you Ira! Oh no Ira, you certainly do not think so. You know I never can, no never will forget you! The letter I received this evening is real good and I was glad to get it as I am all your letters. Yet it was written in such a reproving way as though the girl you had left behind you was proving false and all that sort of thing. But Ira if you have never received a letter from me since you went away I don't know as I should blame you for feeling so. It may be if I was placed in the same circumstance I would do the same way! I have nothing to complain of on your part, you have done well for which you have my thanks, but it grieves me sadly to think you of all others would think me proving false.
You say you long to hear from friend Jennie if she considers herself as such. Ira I have long flattered myself that I was more to you than a friend. I hope I am not mistaken in my thinking. But enough of this. I may tire your patience, but Ira I could write all night if that would convince you that I was otherwise than true. You say you have become acquainted with two pretty girls. Thanks to them for treating you so kindly. Go and visit them as often as you can. There is nothing so essential to a young mans happiness as spending a part of his time in the society of virtuous Ladies, have no fear on my account. Ira! You know I never troubled you with jealousy. I would sacrafise everything I posses in this world to afford you one hours pleasure. A soldiers lot is a hard one, at best. The poet was true when he said "No father near to guide me now. No mothers tear to sooth my brow, No sisters voice falls on my ear. No brothers smile to give me cheer." Ira take care of your health, good health is the greatest boon that a soldier can possess. It is so hard to be in the hospital with no loved one near to sooth or comfort! There you will have no mother or sister to minister to your wants or relieve your distresses, think of this Ira and be carefull. Ira it makes me shudder when I think how daring you are. I am so afraid you will go out once to often scouting please Ira don't don't go any more.
[Written inverted at the top of pages of the letter, and also along the left margins]
(turn over)
I came pretty near buying a watch today. I guess I will go back an[d] get it yet. I am going to buy it with the money you sent me so that I can keep it to remember you. I must ask your advise about it. Don't you think I had better, the price is ten dollars.
[Note on the side margin, first page]
This is from Paps [?] is'ent it Ira.
If you don't get this letter I think I will ride out and be my own mail carrier.
Oh dear how it is raining the first good rain we have had since you went away pretty near drenching here. It is after ten O'clock they are all gone to bed but me and I am up writing to my soldier boy.
Write soon so that I will know whether you got this letter or not ever yours Jennie.
[1862]
Sabbath Morning Nov. 16
My Dear Jayhawker! Now I am going to write some more Oh Dear but I am lonesome this morning! George is playing Dixie on a jewsharp It makes me feel sad to hear "away down in dixie" I never hear it or sing it but I think of my boy in the army! Oh this cruel cruel war!! It has robed me of all that was dear to me in this world!!! Well Ira you say you wrote me a letter last Thursday and sent me some postage stamps.. I haven't got the letter nor the stamps either.. It hase'nt come through yet! You say you won't write much this time and you say that you never do write much at best. Now Ira I don't want to flatter you but you just write the best letters I ever read, they suit me at any rate [illegible] that is all I care for.
Ira you wanted to hear whether I had received yours of the 6th [illegible] I just thought of it. I just think that I have seen nothing of it. I don't see why it didn't come. After I got through reading your letter last evening it seemed to me there must be some more I wished there had been a dozen sheets it was so good.
You say you don't think it your falt that I dropped that piece of reading out of your letter [interlinear--Oh yes it was your falt and no person else] and more than all you thought I was getting mighty nice again. Also write and tell you what is nice and you would send it to me if it was in Kentucky.. Well in the first place I dont think it was your falt but my carelessness and that cant be helped now.. I promise you to be more carefull in the future.. And as to my getting so mighty nice again. Ill have you to understand Mr. Conine I always was nice... And as for sending me something that is nice You need not put yourself to unnecessary trouble about that!!! That's certainly so now as old Lis___ [illegible] says.
There now I guess I am through answering your letter I must dress for church.. I am going with your folks down on the ridge to meeting this afternoon, so good by till this evening!!!
Now Ira I am going to finish your letter. I was down at meeting to day and I seen your Jennie Radabaugh!! Brother Grey preached a very good sermon from the 18th Chapter of Hebrews 13th verse, as good a discourse as I ever heard him preach And such a good class meeting..I never enjoyed one better It is the last sabbath I shall go to church at home for a while! Sallie and I are going to start to Findlay to school next friday.. You may direct your letters there!! As the time grows near for us to go to school I begin to feel as though I had rather stay at home.
I have got to be quite a home girl since you went away.. I don't go any place but up to your pa's house.. I did think after you went away that I should never want to go there but now I stay there one night out of every week and sometimes more! If I could'nt go up there I should die off entirely. It is all the consolation I have that and your letters.. I came across the woods this evening all alone. It was after dark, too. I didn't feel much afraid for I was thinking how often you and I had come across there together and wondered if I should ever see days like those again Do you remember one evening when it was all icey and you pretended to be falling down all the time!!!! The old scratch was in you big as a barn door that night!! The weather has been so pleasant this fall.. We have'nt had any rain for along time.. The roads are dusty.. Last sabbath I took a walk to the corner where the road turns to come in to our house.. I sat down under the tree that you said you was going to leave stand for you and George to play cards under and I thought of the time I heard you speak of it!!! How things have changed since then! How differently we are situated.. Little did I think then that you would be where you are now, and me here all alone yes all alone for in the biggest crowd I feel lonely.. And I am alone.
Your uncle Johns were all up to day and last night. Well Ira I must quite writing or I might tire your patience but I don't know when to stop when I get to writing to you.. When you write tell whether Howard gave you those letters yet and also why you don't answer them. Oh yes I pretty near forgot to tell you about our tract society up here. It is called the Sharpsville Tract Society. I am the librarian and Han is the secretary. Sallie is the travling agent. We had some tracts sent us last week.. If the 118th has'nt been supplyed with that article just send to the Sharpsville Tract Society and you will be supplyed amediately. I am sorry I cannot comply with your invitation to breakfast on fresh pork but Ira you may eat a great big slice for me, that will do wont it Ira it will do me more good than if I could have eaten it myself!!!
Please write soon very soon. Yours in love till death Jennie.
[at the top of the first page - inverted]
Direct your next to Findlay Ohio
[Marginal note at top left corner:] I am going to put this letter in the Office tonight and If I don't get one from you you may look for another one about the next day after you get it. For I am going to write every day untill I get one. Jennie
[Marginal note at top:]Do you see that big blot on the corner that was off of Jennie's finger.
[Marginal note at left:]If you want any of those articles mentioned in this piece of paer, I will try and sent to you.
Another week has gone and still no letter from Ira! "What can the matter be?"
I wish I knew! Have I offended you in any way? If I have Ira I humbly ask your forgivness! And can you will you refuse me that request?
If you will please answer this letter imediately for suspense is Dreadfull!!!
Sallie is at school. The school that I go to is out at 3 o'clock. Sallie is not out untill 4. We went home last Friday and came back this morning. I went home thought perhaps there might be some letters for me but I was disapointed as usual!
Disapointments seem to be my lot in life. If so, I only hope I shall be able to bear them. I have so far at least!! Han got your letter and answered I put it in the Office to-day. Also a paper for you and I wrote a little in the paper. Don't forget to look at it if you think it worth your while!
And then you think it will be good for sore eyes when I get letters from you! Let me tell you Ira my eyes did come prettie near getting sore when I read that! I wish they had.
Perhaps you would write me a letter then. Why "Good Land" as George says This will be the third letter that I have written to you since I have had your last letter. And what the use in you wishing me all sorts of bad things when I don't know what it is for unless it is because you don't write to me. If that is it you know it is not my fault. But now Ira let us be good to each other. I forgive you and I hope you will forgive me and if you will write me a ltter every week (for I cannot do with less) I will write you two a week and moreish that if you want me to! Now don't you think that I will be good when I condescend to do all that. I'll think you are real naughty if you don't!!!
This is some of Andersons indellible ink I think it is as good as - Well I guess I had better not express my opinion on Anderson or any of his things I mentioned his name in one or two of my letters and it seems he has got terrible wrothy at me. Now Ira I know and you know as well as can be that I meant no harm in writing what I did about him.
I have forgotten what it was I did write but I want you to write and tell me what it was. He wrote to Han that I said his letters was like Dilworth's. I wont say that I did not write any such thing for I don't remember and whats more I don't think it was any great killing matter if I did write so, now dont you think so Ira! The Lord only knows I always thought well of Anderson and would yet if he was'nt such a greeny but you had better not show him this letter or he might get his spunk up again. I did think I would write him a letter and apoligize for my misconduct to Mr. Apgar but I have concluded not to be quite so humble. Write to me Ira and tell me what you think about it. He wrote to Han that he guessed Jane would'nt be bothered with Ira any longer and O Dear I expect he was offaly [awfully] tickled about it. I know some of the folks are here. It is just as I have told you before and I believe it yet that there are some folks that are bound that you shall never be more to me than you are now and htey are doing their utmost to get their ends accomplished. I cannot tell what influence they will have with you. It may be more than I expect for I have placed a great deal of confidence in you more than I should have done perhaps, but Ira I want you to come home Christmas for I want to see you so much. Don't let any thing keep you from coming. If you don't get your pay you have money enough at home. They can send it to you and then you can come home. You may as well take the good of your money as someone else. If your pa does go down there to see you it will take just as much money for you to come home. And then it would do the same good. I know at least it wouldn't hurt me. If I had the money you should have it pretty quick but you must come home at any rate. George has gone to Indiana. I wrote him a letter to come home Christmas for Ira was coming home now don't cause me to tell a story. Han Wasel said to Han that if the boys did not come home there would be some catterpilering done but Idon't hardly think it will be that bad, do you. If you had better be coming. Ira excuse this letter it is poorly written. Please write soon.
Ever Yours
Jennie
Findlay.. Dec. 15th [1862]
Sabbath Evening
My friend Ira: How do you get along this rainy evening: I feel sad and lonely.. It has been raining since last evening this time and it is still raining. I expect we shall have a young flood before it gets through. I have been reading all day. Ira I have'nt taken time to eat anything to day in fact I don't get hungry when I have anything to read that is interesting.. I always was a great hand to read but I am a great deal more so now.. I read two large books through last week besides getting my lessons and writing that contemptable composition.. Perhaps you would like to know the name of the books one was the Lamplighter and the other was the Homestead they were such good books.. I wish you could have read them one of them made me think of you very much..
Well Ira I expect you will wonder why Jennie could'ent write with a pen and ink.. Ira I'll tell you why.. I forgot to get ink last evening when I was down street and I thought perhaps you would rather have a letter written with a pencil than to to wait so long.. At any rate I could'ent content myself to go to bed without writing you a letter this evening..
Your letter of the 12th was received last evening. I suppose you are just more than enjoying yourself these times with your pa. Your ma and Marie was up to town yesterday.. They came up alone in the buggy. . Your ma has go[t] to be quite a teamster since you went away.. She does a most all the milling.. George has been gone to Indiana two weeks. We have not had any letters from him yet. Have you had an answer to your letter yet, he sayed he would answer it as soon as he got out to Indiana. Don't you write anything to him about going to war for we dont want him to go again. He could'ent stand it if he did and we could'ent do without him any way.. And then you think if you boys would come home that I would scarcely notice you because I was going to school in Findlay.. If you think that is so just come home and try it once I think you could tell better then.. Dont you Ira.. The school that Sallie goes to was out last Saturday for three weeks My school is'ent out untill next Friday then we're going to have a real good time.. I wish Oh yes but I was'ent to say anything more about that. Your ma wanted Sallie to go home with last evening but I dident let her.. I would'ent stay up here one week alone without her for anything It would be so lonesome without her.Ira I dont want you to think when Sallie writes such thing to you about me that I want her to because I did'ent at all. If I could have got hold of that letter before she sent it, it would never have gone. I was realy ashamed of it Ira I dont want you to think that (I) told her to write such stuff and then it was in Andersons letter too. I feel so bad about it.. Ira you say that your going to send home your letters and your Bible by your father and I should'ent think hard of it.. Why no Ira I would'ent think hard of it. I am sure you know best what you can do.. And whatever you think best is all right but Ira you will send me the letters that I sent to you, will you not. Just do them up in a package by themselves and send them to me I don't want every person to see my letters.. So you think you will be lonesome when your Pa leaves. Don't get lonesome rite around with them girls, keep up your spirits have all the fun you can for that is all a soldier get at best. It is getting very late and I must quit writing. Sallie has been asleep two hours. It is raining yet and it may be that my soldier boy is standing guard in all this rain. How it makes me shudder to think of it. Oh Ira I think of you so much this cruel, cruel war, how I wish it was over. Goodby be a good boy write soon I will by some ink before I write again Jennie
[At the top of the first page written inverted at an angle]
"It is said that absence conquers love,"
But Oh! It may not be! For all my dreams that wayward rove
Are filled with thoughts of thee
But now thou art gone far far away
Thy dreams are they for me?
Yet ever will my spirit stray And sweetly rest with thee
Thursday Afternoon
Dear Ira! Yours of the 13th was received last evening. It is needless to say that I was glad [,] as you know that without me reminding you of it! Your letter found me usually well or at least I feel better than I did when I wrote to you last. When I am not expecting a letter from you it seems that is the very time I am sure to get one.
I had been washing yesterday and as I wasen't very well, I thought that I would not go down to the post office last evening [.] But Lo and behold [,] a friend came in about 10 Oclock and handed me a letter. I was expecting a letter from George and by the looks of the direction on the envelope I supposed it was from him but when I opened the letter to my astonishment I found it was from Ira. I should have been very glad to have received a letter from my brother but I was still glader to get one from my my my----[?]
Sallie and I are spending the evening with Gus [?] Aunt Sallie Parker. We are having such a good time. We can spend the time a great deal more pleasantly with Aunt Sallie then we could with Ellen. You need not say anything about it but I don't like her (Ellen) one bit. I think she is real mean if she is your cousin...I don't think she should be any relation of yours because you are so good and she is so mean. Well Ira [,] tomorrow is Friday and our school is out for two week[s]. We are going home Saturday so if you write to me in that time (which of course you will) you will direct to McComb. Aunt Sallie has got supper pretty near ready and I suppose I shall have to quit writing.
Ira you can't expect much of a letter for I haven't your letter here that I received last night to answer and I can't never answer a letter very well if I haven't it laying before me so that I can see what is in it. I am so absent minded. I had such good story that I was going to send you but I haven't got it with me [.] I will send it to you some other time. Don't forget these old letters send them to me Ira. write soon.
Yours Jennie
[Findlay, Ohio, late December 1862]
Well Ira, you think that I have been reading too much for my own good.. I don't agree wit you there Ira for I think that is all the good I do get.. In fact[,] when I get interested in a book, I forget that I ever had the headache or ever lived in this world[.] I seem to exist in another state of existence where sorrow separation and disapointments are unknown.. And you don't care how many books I read when they make me think of you for you think that is all the time that I do think of you. Ira, you are positively unjust with me.. How could you dare to think that I should forget you even for a moment. Thoughts of you are always upermost in my mind. It doesen't make any difference how interesting the conversation is or how deeply I am engaged in reading[,] there is still a spot in my memory that nothing can erase which will ever be kept green by thoughts of you!!!
Ira [,] you seemed to be very glad that I could not go to bed on a certain night without answering you letters and without wishing me any harm you do wish that I could neither eat nor sleep untill I had answered your letters. Ira your letters do not lay unanswered very long after I get them but I must acknowledge Ira that I do eat and sometimes sleep before I answer them but you won't get this letter quite as soon as you have some of my letters lately for I am not quite as handy to the Post Office as I was last week. I am not going to sleep till I answer it if you don't get is [it] so soon.
Ira [,] you wanted to know whether George had got home yet.. No, he hasn't got home yet. We don't expect him home very soon either. He has been gone 5 weeks. He is breaksman [brakeman] on the Cincinnatie and Chicago RR.. We had a letter from him this week which I answered last evening. I wrote to him that he had better be answering your letters if he haden't before this time. He gets 30 dollars a month works only 3 days in the week Sunday excepted. Pays his own board. The distances he travels is 175 miles in Indiana from Valpairaso [Valparaiso] to Richmond. He makes his home and receives his letters at Valpiraso!! It is rather a dangerous occupation but it will suit him better than any thing else for he can never stand it to work on a farm where he has to work steady.
You wanted me to excuse one of your letters of the 12th or 13th you diden't want me to show it to any person because it wasn't very nice. I will excuse you Ira as you know I always had to do at last. I am glad that you think that it wasn't my falte [fault] that Sallie wrote what she did.. I always tryed to be as modest as I could for I think modesty among the greatest of virtues.. Then you think that I was always too much of a Lady to write such stuff.. Well Ira I did try to be as much of a lady in your presence as I could under the circumstances. I never thought you tryed to help me along very much.. I woulden't tell any person else that[,] Ira[,] for I just think you are the best boy this world ever produced if you wasen't always so modest[.] I hope you will think better before you get home.. I have received that box of letters also that book for which I thank you very much. It is a very good book. I have read some every evening since I got it[.] the letters I will take care of till you come home. There are two or three letters that you must get or else you did not send them home.
You wanted to know what friend it was that brought me a letter so late in the evening. Well it was my friend Mrs. Mungen[.] Her and Ellen had been out spending the evening as they came home they called at the Office.. You wanted to know heather I had heard from R.S.D. since you left - no Ira I have heard nothing from him since you went away. Neither do I wish to hear from him by letter. I never done as you say I did--get letters and then deny it for fear you would want to read them. You have seen all the letters I ever got from him. Don't get mad at me as he did and publish my letter down in KY.. Don't publish this one at any rate.
You wanted me to say whether I diden't think your girl was good looking. I think she is very good looking. The Ohio girls coulden't hold a candle with her.
You wanted to know where I was going to spend Christmas and New Years. Christmas I spent at home all day. Han Sallie and myself are invited to a turkey roast down at Apgars on New Years day we are going to stay all night[.] How I wish you was here to go along with us. I hope you will be here by next year this time.
That last letter that I wrote you seemed to be rated very low in your estimation you didn't seem to think that you had got an answer to yours of the 13th. Well Ira, it is kind of hard to go to answering a letter after it has been received so long but I will tell you this much that I have felt like another girl sine the receipt of your letters of the 5th, 6th, 12th 13th of Dec.. I don't think I shall ever be tempted to disbelieve your word again. Not untill I see enough my self to convince me.. I have to put up with a great deal lately but that I count as nothing as long as I am sure of your sincerity.. I think it would be cruel and unjust for me to ask you not to go with other girls. I shall never do that. I am not so jealous hearted as all that comes to be. I want you to enjoy yourself the best you can but Ira you know just how far you should go. Honor will teach you that but Ira I have no fears at present.
I have nothing more of any concequence to write. O yes, David Vansicle and Kate Grice was married Christmas Eve.. Capt. Cusics child died last Thursday. The Capt. Was in Cincinnattie[.] They telegraphed to him[.] He came home this evening[.] The child will be burried to morrow as they have kept it so long. It was the Capts favorite child[.] They say he is prettie near crazy!
That was a beautiful piece of poetry that you sent. I am going to send you a story this time. Perhaps you have read it. If you have it won't hurt you to read it again. I think it is a good story. I just more than think lots of that little dictionary just write all the big words you can. I can understand them now. I think as much of that as I do of you pretty near!! It is 1 Oclock. Don't you think it is time for me to be in bed. But I am neither sleepy or nungrey yet.. I could stand it two or three hours longer if I had [piece missing] get tired reading what I have wrote I guess I had better quit for I don't want to pay six cents postage as you did.. Mr. Mackey through it was a Christmas present it was such a big letter and so much postage. Write soon. Be good boy. Yours in love
Jennie
(It isen't any use to dispute with you any longer. You will have your own way)
