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Toledo State Hospital Patient Diary - MMS 1769
Note : This diary has been divided into parts in order to present it in a manageable form. The divisions do not reflect divisions in the text. Spelling and punctuation are original.
too my recolection i will now return, with my scrib, and begin again with my storrie at where i left off, as i have not much time too spare in the penning of these lines so must gett at the facts, with more, determination too keep steady in that line, or i will bee forever finishing it, Father and one of my sisters heard of a house for sale, and went too see it, likeing the location, and the house, they con-fered with the lawers that had the property for sale, saw the ones, and closed the deel, and paid down 28 hundred dollars, for the property, it was not verry long after he had bought this property, that he got a coupld of lotts cheap in North Toledo and concived the idea of building a cotage house on them, for this purpose he hired his Father, too dig the foundation and build it with luck, my Brother Nelson and my self not having anything too doo went and helped grand Father dig and build the foundation and Father pay us by the day, at 150 a day or 200 dollars a day i for-gett which, we went too work and built the foundation, my grand Father Brother Nelson, and myself it was not long the foundations completed, when Father gave my Brother Nelson and my self the contract of Building the house for $350 dollars, and him too furnish, all the matiereall we hired one carpenter and puit up the house working our selfs, when it was complete Father and Mother moved in, too one of the best cotages in the city, they have scence lost it, by mortgage while we were building Father house, he negoceated with a real estate man for another lot for me, at verry cheape raites of payments and i accepted, them took the lot and built a cotage on it or a peace of a cotage on it and moved in, the next 2 years following, i aded too it by raiseing the roof and finishing it in side complete, we lived in it quite a number of years, when i found that it was not large enough, so i went in too the lone association and took a mortgage on the property for $350 dollars, pay-able in sums of 75 cents a week with intress, shortly af-ter, i went in the loan assocuation, i became, convinced that all was not as it aught too bee, and bee perfectly free from sin, an extreem jellous turn of mind, controled my every action, and my Wife became suspicous of me, or afrade that there was somehing rong with my health, and i needed medical addvice, so persuaded me too goo too a doc-tor and see if he could help me by giving me some, medisen for my biliousness, thinking that my stumic was out of or-der, wee went and it was not much of any satisfaction, for he said that there was nothing the matter with me we then came home and went too my Fathers house which was just ac-rost the road from ours, his number on the house being 2310 and ours being 2311 Lehome [Chase?] Street North Toledo, why we went over too my fathers house was that my being not satisfied, with the idea of my wife takeing me too the doc-tors for mediscan too cure me of some sickness, when i felt so simtoms, of any disease, and thought, i would hear the opinions of my wife and the old folks, it seems that it was not in acordance with the doctors and that i was realy sick, at anyrate, my Father and Mother, alond with my Sis-ters thought so, and prepared to send me too anarbor, too the medical collage for treetment, haveing heard from some sorse that they could cure any disease their, so my Father and oldest sister took me too Anarbor Medical Colage for some kind of treatment, that i have never bin able too dis-cover eather the disease or or what was ment by the treet-ment that i received while i was there it savored of adisire on the part of the colage officals, too too give me something too make me sick, so they could keep me there, indeffnantly or as long as it ansurered their purpose, i will rite here who in my knowledge the parttys were dooing too me and how they were using me at the Anarbor medical Collage, i went too the colage with my father, and sistere Rozatta, and they made arangements with the collage offi-cals for my board and, treatment, they my father and sister was too pay 4 dollars a week for my board, and i was too receive, medical treetment for some emagined disease i went out in front of the office with father and sister and bid them good by, shook hands with my father, kissed my sister then we parted, they takeing the rout home and i going back in too the office they had paird my board for 5 weeks, in advance, and i did not, need too bee worryed about money for father had left $20 dollars with the officals, for me and i could have, whanted of it for spending, for what ever i wished too by for my comfort, they had a dining room in the little low building and there wee patants took our meals the first meal that i ate there i watched them quite clostely, and observed that some of the table girlls were pasing siges, too one of the borders sitting beside my self at table i watched him, and saw him motion towards me i watched him, and all of the others, but could see nothing the matter with and of them eather in signs or actions from any of them, accept these two the dining room girl, and the young man that sit next too my self, i don't know where he could have foiund a more disagreeable contiance, expressice of every low crime, and i believe too this preasant day, would doo anything for money, even too the committing of murder, i watched them all throught the meal and at its end, went out, behind the building, and stood up against the building, feeling quite sick, i know that it was or the sickness was produced from something that i had eating in my food, at knight they gave me a bed in the Hospital ward, next too the bed, situated in the north west corner, of the room, on the wall clost too the door was too all apearance, a telliphone battery, but which could be used for other purposes and i believe was, on my bed was a hair matress, and an iron cot bed, ther was of corse the regulation blan-ket, and quilt, with sheets and under my bed, was a battrie about the size of a bushell basket, yet square, it was in the winter time of year, yet the last winter month of march, and quite cold, so much so that one was compelled too sleep with all the bed cloaths that he could gett, on the bed if he wanted too sleep warm, yet i had onely 1 sheet and one little blanket, yet in the middle of the knight i waked up dripping wet with persperation, and trem-bleing with i under stood, electricity i was being electer-cised, i got out of bed went throught the center ile of the long room, too the watter closet, in another room situated in the south side of the building there was a short hall, and on one side of this hall was the watter closets, and on the other side of this hall, was 3 or 4 windows, overlook-ing, the campus, or play grounds of the collage, i staid this knight through, and the next morning after washing up and walking around out side for a few moments, the brefckfaste bell rang and i went in too brackfust, the same performance of the knight preveious, at supper happen at breckfast, only added too that of the knight before was, that i vomited up my breckfast, and was quite sick with a cold sweat, dropping from my forehead, and neck, i knew that their was poision in the food, i staid thruout that day and late in the knight, with the same thing happing too me, and i was getting worse all of the time in my stumic from the efects of the poisioned food, and my treatment at knight, so made up my mind not too stand it any longer but, skip out, soo i went too the watter closet, and tried the windows, and found that they were open, i then thought of going back after my cloaths, through the long sleeping room, ase i oanly had puit on my pants Shirt and socks, but in making toowards the door, i saw one of the night guards coming toowards me with something in his hand, thinking it was a club and, as i had no disire too meet him and, spill blood by fighting i stepped too one of the windows raised it up, and jumped out on to the ground ran a crost the cam-pus, in a south east direction, with oanly, my shirt pants, and a pair of socks on, and with out any hat, it was rain-ing quite hard, though i remember i felt no, cold, or did i mind this rain, i followed a stormy street down hill, and i remember, that it was full of small stones that had bin broken up from large lime stones for the macattemizeing [macadamizing, i.e., paving] of the road bed, and the horrable time i had of getting down the hill, i tell you it was verry painfull, walking on bro-ken stones, in ones bare feet, i finealy got down the hill and found i was near the river or crick that runs through the town, and on a road that ran along side of the river i followed the road untill i came too the bridge that spans the river, i crossed the river, and followed the pond, in too the country, and found that i was, going farther away from home, i then turned around and recrossed the river and found the railroad tracks and followed them untill they seperated, but took the rong one enrout for home, i fol-lowed it all the same, untill i came too a paper mill by the side of the railroad, getting there about daylight, and seeing smoke comeing out of the stack went in the engin room, and saw the fireman a fireing the boilers i told him my curcumestances, and my suspisions, he said he was poor but would, help me all he could, i laid down on the saw-dust, in front of the furnace, and took arest and began drying my cloaths by the furnace he went home, and brought me some breckfast, and an old pair of over shoes, and told me too stay by the fire and dry my self, i did as i was told, and when dry went up stairs in the mill and watched him make paper, i staid around there a copple of hours then started on my, way, toowards home up the railroad track, but finding that i was on the rong road, started, acrost country, too strike the Anarbor railroad, but some way missed the road, and got lost, i started up a wagon road which had the good fortune too stumble over, and followed it up with the hope that i would evenchualy strike the rail road again soon, but luck was against me for i traveled, till dark and did not see any rail road amiste the rain and hail and when knight came, i was wet through and tired out, i went too a farm house, and asked for a knight lodgeing, told them my cercomstances, and was taken in given my sup-per and bed and breckfast, as i was about too start on my jerny, seeing the condision of my feet, he gave me an old pair of felt boots, for which i thanked him bid him a kindly good by and went on my way rejoycing, in my travles of that day, i came acrost a railroad, and followed it up untill i came too a small town that i cannot rember the name as it was dark when i reach there and raising hard i went intwo one of the stores, and asked the poprietor if i could dry my cloaths by his fire, he granted the permision and as he was, standing too a custermer at the time, weigh-ing out tobacco, i asked him for a little and he gave me what would bee a fair nickles worth of finecutt chewing to-bacco, thanking him, for it i made my way too the stove puled off my coat, and began drying it, at the fire, while i was ocupied in the drying of my cloaths, some too or three farmers came in and too the store, and i asked them if they knew where i could find a knight login, one of them a big stallwork german, told me too come over too his fa-thers house and hee would see that i got a place to sleep, for that knight he took me to the barn, and down a stairs, intwo the basement, in an airsic way between the cows and the sheep throwed down a lot of new hay with some blankets and a baffaly robe, and told me, too enjoy a good nights rest i told him that i would try, and so he left me, the next morning, they caulled me up too breckfast, i went in and ate a harty meal, bade them a kind good by and left, i followed the railroad going west, and landed in a town called grass lake, about 8 or 9 oclock at knight, and stopped in the railroad telegraph office, and enquired what place i was in, he told me and and also that it was 26 miles west of anarbor i asked him if he would send a dis-spatch too my people, at Toledo he said he would but that it would cost me 25 cts, and i must must pay cash, i told him that i did not have any money but if he would send the dispatch that he cold colect it at this end, of the line, that what ever he charged my people would pay, that all that was necisary too in form the office, too colect att this end of the line, he finealy agreed too send, it, i told him what too send and then went out and enquired for the sherrif of the place, but could not find him, i wanted a knights ladgeing as it was raining hard and, i could not stay in the telegraph office as it was strictly against the rools and the dispatch agent would lose his place if he alowed any one but an employee too remain in the place, so not being successfull in finding any one, of the jail gards, or the sherrif, i started down the railroad track for toledo on foot and at about 10, 10 oclock at knight, with the rain and sleet falling and the wind, a blowing, too beet old nick there were a train coming boath ways and bearing that i might bee run over i took a side track that lead away from the main track and followed it up till it stop in a way road, seeing the entrance that i had got from the main railroad i started a crost the commons an dthrough the woods, down hill and up hill. i came too a swaley place with some willows and a number of large deep ditches, one of them was 10 or 12 ft; wide and fully that deep, knowing that the road was just over the hill and that the sevaile ran for a long distance and it would take too or 3 ours too goo around, i made the spring deturmend too land on the other side, i fell short about 1 foot, and down i went in two the watter but in going down caught at the roots or lims of a willow that grew clost too the watters edge and succeded in grasping it and puilling myself out of the wat-ter, i climed the hill struck the railroad track again and started south, getting intwo the town of michigan center, about 4 oclock in the morning and going through the main street found not one of them up in the town, i than went up the road aways and waited for 6 oclock too come, after i thought i had waited long enough, i started started back and went too the hotell in the town, as i got there, he was just opening the night shutters i went up too him and asked him him for the privelage of warming my self at his fire, in the sitting room he granted it, and gave me a warm cup of coffie, with a coupple of warm bisketts and thinking i had not eaten enough, braught me another cup of coffie and another biskett, told me too take off my coat and vest and dry them i didso he then went and got me a neadle and thread too sew up my pants where i had torn them, going through some brambles, the night before crossing the swale, i sewed up the holes in my pants, thanked him for his kind-ness and started down the railroad track and got quite a ways when looking in the direction from which i came, i saw some men on the track as i thought working but which proveed too bee farmers and a couple of men getting their team, acrost the track, i made in their direction and com-ing up asked them for a ride the teamster was willing, so i got in the wagon and sit down behing with my feet hanging out behind and then as i got niceley settled he started up his horses and away we went up the road, and climed a large hill, and started down to the road at a good, pace takeing me away from the railroad dew west, i was just, concider-ing, the adviseabillity of getting out, and going back too the railroad, as i saw that they were takeing me farther away from my distenation, or where i wanted too goo, whin the farmer puiled up his horses at one of the gates that led too one of the houses that lined the road at distances of a mile or less and said iam not going any further, so i jumped out and made back for the railroad track and reached the hotell near moon where i had started from in the morn-ing i awent in and sitdown, when the lanlord came in the room and told me that he had received, a dispatch from jackson michigan, that the offfercers was comeing after me too take me too jackson, that my people had sent a dispatch too them too hold me there till they came after me, while wee were talking, the pasenger train came in and too of the largest men i most ever saw, dressed in police uniform, walked in too the hotell, and enquired for me i told them that i was the partty they were looking for, so they sit down and waited for the next train down, and when it came a long, i was taken too jackson, and locked up, for the knight, in the poleace station, my sister came the next morning about 7 oclock and took me back too anarbor, and we staid over knight at a boarding house, the next morning af-ter breckfast, she enquired at the hospital for my cloaths but did not get them for some reason, that they explained too her, i became suspisious, and would not wate for the down train, for toledo, so i told my sister that we would walk too the next station, and we walked too the next sta-tion a distance of 15 miles that day if i am corect, and got there about dusk stopped too the hotell got supper and went too bed or did for was afwull tired, we were up at breckfast the next morning, an dafter brushing up started for the depot, too be in time for the train, and after get-ting their one of the hotell borders, talked insulting or what i thought was eatehr too me or my sister, and i was going too punch his head, but my sister interfierd and stopped the fight, he was a big strapping fellow some thing over 6 feet, but was a black, coward, when the train came along we got a board and come too toledo ariveing home in the naborhood of 12 oclock noon, and went too my father house, they were all glad too see me and i was glad too gett home i staid around home 2 or 3 days and dureing all the time since i first left anarbor in the midle of the night barefoot, with out coat or hat being in, and travel-ing in the rain and snow night and day, falling in the ditch and nearly drounding, and not chhangeing my cloaths, i felt not the slitest efects from it not even a slite cold, i was extremely healthy, weighing in the nabor hood of 2004 pounds or 205 pounds, and so compactly built that one not knowing my weight, would not not believe that it was possible, in an apparently small man like my self, i staid around my fathers home for a while, and finealy, went home and every thing in or about the famley or about my self, being sent too anarbor was quietly hushed up, and all became scierene and happy, i went too work, but, became disconted with every thing and every boddy, and finealy be-came extreemly jellious of my wife it i had a cause, too bee jellious of her god knows, and ifi did ore did not have a cause too bee jelious, of her actions, it was no ones buisness out side of my famley, and relatives and i most stiniously denue thais right, and condem them for it and as god punishes all those that disobeay his morial laws so doo i know that my enemies will get their just punnishment in all good time, i became, possessive of something that has every cince remained with me, and something that after dew investigation has allways bin in my posesion, it was that i was a great structiom and had found it too bee distraction too my health, and while makeing me wise in a seccret way, by by keeping me full of electrissity and thus, make of me a thought reader, too a great extent, and and allso a clarivoyant, so that i knew every thing that was transpir-ing in and around the naborhood, yet it was not conducive too ones health and, consequently not disired by my self as i thought i was smart enough, and their was some seccretts had better not bee brought too light, and i did not want too know, or pry into other peoples private famley seccrets by my self and i thought i was smart enouth, and their was some seccrets had better not bee brought too light, and i did not want too know, or pry intwo other people private famley seccrets i became suspisious, on the strength of the seccret knowlage of clarvoyancey, and thought reading ex-posess, and brings too ones mind, my suspiscous as i said before of my wife and, was not contented too sit still and see, a great rong did too me or my children, so i watched perseadings, with all the caire possible the ---- reason that i had, of rong being practased on me was an unatural disire on her part inaction, bee in converce with other men or take their advice in prefferance too mine and the disire too slite my opinions and a disire on her part too have me out of the home, and too bee a lone willingness on her part too believe and take others opinions as reguards my health, and many other little faults that earatated and made me jelious, and verry unhappy so much so that i had no in-clanation too work and was verry discontented with my hard lott, i will say here that though i had ample opertuneity for seeing and knowing what happened in any way possible, that my wife bore out the good opinions that the neibors had of her, and that i had verturely no direct evidence of her rong dooing that it all oridgeanated from my posesion of this seccret thought reading and from clarevoyance yet the suspisious ness was their and could not bee driven away things in general went on as before yet in a more subdued way, yet allways with that jelious disagreeable feeling and finealy came too a corupt quarrel it occurred comeing home from a grocery store on one sunday morning, after dooing our treading, for the day we were coming along the street toowards home when the doctor coming along joined us and began talking with my wife, and after holding a slite con-versation with her, left us at our gate we, went in the house, and finding that something else was wanted from the store, or it was something my sister wanted too tell us, that called us out of the house the seccond time, it was eather one or the other of these wants that we went too fulfill, and as we were returning from our ereants and were about half way home, in the center of of a commands that reach from street and took in the whole squire i began get-ting angery thinking of the doctors conversation, and in an extremely pashonate time, i slapped her over, and came within an ace of killing her, but before i had made an at-tempt, in that direction their suddenly came too my mais-tance the conseguance of such a crim, and it stopped fur-ther hostillity in that direction, and i thank god too this day for his timely interfereance too save me from a fellens death, yet i never can for give my self for this one rash act, while i had turned my back too her in picking up some-thing that i had dropped form my pocketts or arms she sprang too her feet and ran intwo the house, and i ran af-ter her with all my might, and caught her just as she had got in the door, of our house and began too talk too her, she was crying quite hard, and taking my feace with terra-ble grief i went intwo another room too get a chair when she ran out of the back door and ran over too one of the neibors and went in i followed her over went in and puiled her out by the arm, and in letting go of her too close the door, gave her the chance that she wanted, and she ran away again too another neibors, i following her yet, had lost seight of her, i went out in front on the street and looked up and down, , it, i spied her nearly a blocke away just turning the corner, i ran after her and was soon up with her, we met in the center of the block that at that time was vacant, and near the anarbor crossing, on summit , i had just met her and we were talking i persuading her too the best of my abillity too come home, and she refusing, when my brother came up and, tried too have us boath goo home, when i happened too look in the direction of sumit Avennew, and there i saw a patroll wagon coming on a dead run in my direction, and was soon upon us, i started too run but was soon overtaken by a police man whohad jumped out of the wagon in persute of me, and braught back, and puit intoo the patrol wagon and takeing right down too the police station by the summit street rout and tacked upsome of my officous neibors had rang the police alairm and i was arested, i was kept in the lock up over Sunday and on a Monday morning was puit in the police van and taking down too the county jail, too stand trile for my sanity, i don't recolect if the first trile occurred on Monday or the next morning yet i believe i am right in saying that it occurred the same day, and, it was puit off and hushed up, i gained my liberty once more, we -- went home, when my wife said she would not live with me any longer it raised the old suspisions and as my people did not want me too live with her any longer, but come home to them, it made me still more suspisious, and i became quite angery yet did not doo nothing, but went over too my fathers house acrost the street and staid with them, i would go acrost the street, once or twice a week, yet my mother and father was allways opposed too my going, she was in the habit of comeing over too my peoples house as often as i came or went over too see her, we finealy became friends once more and, i began living too my oan house i worked, at my labor, or lathing when i was not, work ing at any thing else and comeing home one day we began holding a conversation on the small ness of the house, and how we could manage, too make it larger, we finealy boath agreeing too take up 3 or $350 dollars in the loan assocuation, and give a mortgage on our property for scurity we borrowed the $350 dollars, from the loan, and started too building the addisions on the house, bying our lumber at Kelsey and Friemans lumber yard, and my Brother Nelson comeing down, too my house, too help me frame, the and puit it up, we had started too frame and, worked all that after noon, and part of the next when it began too rain, and we laid off, it rained so hard that it became berry muddy and wee were compelled too stop i cannot remember if we -------------------------------------- , from the --------------------------------- after i had, bin too anarbor, my mind at the presant time, of riteing this, is under the controle, of these people, by hipnotism, and i have a hard trial too puit, any thing on record as my mem-ory,
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